It's The Small Stuff

Georgia Aster

You may or may not have noticed that I have not posted here for a long time. I have had a bad case of writer's block. I had lots of ideas, but found when it came to putting them down into words, I didn't have the spirit to do it. I have to admit that I've been struggling lately. I'm having a really hard time keeping positive. Between our toxic political situation, and the Covid-19 pandemic, everything feels pretty down and dark. Despite all my best intentions, I keep allowing myself to get sucked into doom spirals. I can't seem to stay away from it all. I know there is a solution for this--turn it off. And I want to do that, but I also believe in being an informed citizen. But it feels like the more I know, the worse I feel. It's a terrible and destructive cycle, and I'm complicit in my own misery. 

Cloudless Sulphur on Scarlet Sage (Salvia coccinea)

I took a trip out to my yard yesterday and brought my macro lens to hunt for butterflies to photograph, since it is peak butterfly season. I haven't used that lens for a long time. While I was outside, I started searching around to see if there were any spiders or mantises hidden in the the jungle of blooms and stems, and I looked at the asters and sunflowers from every angle. Before I knew it, an hour had passed and I realized I felt light and happy and relaxed. Just what the doctor ordered.

Leafcutter Bee Sleeping in a Camphorweed flower

I thought I felt good just because I was outside surrounded by nature, but I can see now that it is also because I gave my brain a break. While I was crawling around looking at the wondrous tiny things, that's all I was thinking about. It was so refreshing. When I'm on my knees looking at a bee sleeping on a flower, my brain is focused on that. I have to control my breathing so I don't wiggle too much and can capture the details in my photo. I can't move or I'll scare off the bee. And while I'm looking at that bee, I can see that its wings are a gorgeous amber color and that there are tiny hairs all over its body. And its eyes are so big! I realized yesterday that as much as I like just taking photos while I'm rambling down a trail, what I really love is the new perspective I get when I look close with the macro lens. Macro photography was my first photo love, and now I remember why. Looking through the lens at the tiny things takes my breath away and as I sink into their beauty, they are my whole world. At least for a while.

Green Anole with its blue green eye shadow

I read this article recently about taking "Awe Walks" and while I hate to admit that I might be getting old enough to fall into that demographic, I totally get the need to focus my mind on something that fills me with awe, and not on all the awful daily cares. So, when the world starts getting to me, I'm going to try pulling out the camera and start focusing on the small stuff. I may be doing that a lot in the next while.

Green Stinkbug Nymph

Let it Go

I had an aggravating customer service experience this morning. I left the place feeling really angry. Over and over I imagined all the smart, self righteous things I would have said in my fantasy re-do of the encounter. I got more and more worked up, ready to write letters and get people fired. I was really irritated. Luckily, since it was on my way home, I decided to stop at NATL to take photos of butterflies. This turned out to be the perfect medicine. As soon as I neared the entryway, I heard red shouldered hawks calling to each other from opposite ends of the fields and the cicadas buzzing loudly. I stepped inside the fence and was swept away into a whole new world, far away from irritating clerks. It was overcast, but it was sunny enough that the insects were very active. The paths are lined with Spanish Needles plants (Bidens alba). Besides being quite pretty, Spanish Needles are very attractive to insects (more on that another time!) and these flowers were bustling. I could feel my blood pressure lowering. My muscles relaxed and my mind had a new focus.  My irritation melted away as I was drawn into the brilliant colors and movement.

Green Fly on Bidens

Painted Lady Butterfly on Bidens

Buckeye Butterfly on Bidens

There was a tractor tilling a field near me and the air smelled like cut grass and warm soil. I breathed in that sweet smell and felt content. I continued taking pictures for about an hour. Every so often I'd recall the bad start of my morning and would start to relive the encounter. I could feel myself getting worked up. Then I would breathe in the sweet air and remind myself that I was surrounded by calm and beauty. The birds sang, the dragonflies darted, and the flowers danced in the wind. It was beautiful.

Bees and Bidens

I am slowly realizing that it is up to me whether or not I dwell on the things that bother me--on the unkind words, the hurt, the injustice, the misunderstandings. If I want to, I can think about them so much that they begin to consume me. Or I can let them go. If I choose to dwell on the past, it's so easy to find myself sucked into a vortex of hurt feelings, resentment and anger. I can pick at those wounds and let them bleed any time I choose. It can be hard to break out of the grips of a good sulk. The funny thing about this morning is that it really wasn't a big deal. "In the Big Sea of Life," as my friend Robin used to say, it didn't really matter. But caught up in my feelings, I lost perspective. When I decide not to indulge my negative feelings,  I turn to nature for an attitude readjustment. It's really hard to stay focused on yourself when you are outside, smelling, hearing, feeling and seeing. The feel of the sun or the wind on your skin is like a gentle nudge. Psst. Hey. Wake up. Look around. Come out. The nice thing about being outside when your irritated is that there are too many distractions to stay focused and nurse that anger. I am thankful for all the distractions out there. And I feel a whole lot better.

Viceroy Butterfly

Clematis reticulata Seed Head

Lady Bird Beetle on Partridge Pea (Chamaecrista fasciculata)