Dailyappreciation

 

I recently got my copy of Patti Smith's "A Book of Days". It is a collection of a year of her photos and thoughts, memories and celebrations from her Instagram page, most of them created during the pandemic. There is a page for every day of the year. I've really enjoyed it so far and decided to read it one day at a time to fully appreciate the images and messages. Reading her introduction, it dawned on me that I had been doing something similar this past year with my photos and my life. I would never dream of comparing myself to Patti Smith, except in recognizing an intentional practice that we both seemed to have turned to in what she called, "deeply uncertain times". She has been in the habit of taking a photo and writing every day for years. I am a newcomer.

I have really been struggling for a while, and especially so in the last 2 years. My optimistic goals to power through the early part of the pandemic with nature walks and writing only worked so long. But then Covid and its variants stayed around and kept coming, and our activities took so long to return to normal, in addition to unbelievable political craziness, hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, fire, drought, war, shootings, riots, and ecological disasters, including the shrinking of the Great Salt Lake in my home state, I just couldn't keep it up. I tried. I composed dozens of "inspired" essays in my head when I took walks or gardened or went birding, but by the time I got home, I found that most of what I wanted to say felt unimportant and trite along side of the huge issues all around me and I'd let it go. As a result, I rarely posted in my blog. Eventually, I didn't really feel like going on those hikes, or even leaving home unless I had to. I was tired, and didn't see the point. I'm pretty sure I was depressed. 

On New Year's Day 2022 I decided that I needed to do something to pull myself out of the funk. I recognized that I always feel good when I am photographing nature, especially, the tiny things. I felt that a good way to start would be by making myself get out and find at least one thing that caught my attention or made me feel good every day, take a photo, and post it on Instagram with the hashtag #dailyappreciation. Posting made me accountable to other people and it would make it harder for me to ditch my personal goal, and Instagram doesn't necessarily require any text. Brevity is good. Some days I didn't go much further than my back yard, posting photos of a bug on the window, birds at the feeder, or lichen on twigs that fell from the big water oak. But the project forced me to look for something outside of the news, and that felt good. Most of the time I took pictures just with my phone. As the year progressed, and our activities returned to the new normal, we traveled and started visiting with family and friends, attending concerts and festivals again. I flew to visit my mom for the first time in 2 years. Sometimes out of cell phone contact, or traveling in the car cross country, there were days that I scrambled to find a picture and post it. But I was determined. There were a few days that the weather was bad or the day got away from me because I was too busy (a good thing!), and I dug into my photo archives for something memorable from that day sometime in the past, but I tried not to lean too much on that option. 

I started to hear comments from people who thanked me for my posts and that they looked forward to them as something beautiful or interesting each day. Their feedback buoyed me. I had a mission now and did not want to let my followers down. My meditative practice was spreading good energy, not just to me but to my friends. And so I posted every day, sometimes twice, for one year. The resulting body of work made me feel good and looks like a beautiful patchwork quilt in the Instagram layout. If I can ever figure out how to print the year, I will. It would be a cool poster. 

So here I am, a year later, still working on tuning out the noise. It's still not easy, and I'm afraid the uncertain times will be with us for a long time--maybe forever. But I'll keep looking for those things to appreciate and to steer myself out of the malaise, and I'll work at getting my deep thoughts out of my head and onto the page. Maybe not every day--that gets to be a grind! But I'll keep working and looking for the little things. And I'll keep sharing with my friends, because their feedback makes me feel good, and we all need a little beauty and love in our lives. 

 

Take A Load Off

Dewy Wingstem seen at a Nature Ramble (Verbesina alternifolia)

I try to be a cheery person, but lately I have really felt the worries of the world weighing on me. It just feels like there has been one awful thing after another for months now. The tragic earthquake in Mexico City. Hurricanes in Texas, Florida, the Caribbean. Even a tropical storm up here in North Georgia. The death of an old friend. Constant, ugly politics. Social unrest. Data hacks. Nuclear missiles. Health. Family. Good grief. All together, it has been overwhelming and it is hard to not get bogged down and filled with despair. Sometimes my shoulders hurt and I find myself clenching my teeth and needing to remember to breathe. There are days I don't want to leave the safe comfort of my snug home/nest.

Gynandromorph (has characteristics of both sexes) Tiger Swallowtail in my own yard! Good thing I went outside that day!

Field Milkwort (Polygala sanguinea) from a wildflower field trip just over the NC border. A new flower for me!

I get a lot of happiness seeing the fine details of tiny things like this immature grasshopper. Look at its eyes and the markings on its body.

But I come back to this time and time again. Along with my loving and supporting family and friends, one sure thing that always soothes my soul and helps me keep moving along is to put myself in nature. To take a Forest Bath, as my photo buddy Marilee would always say. When I take a walk outside in the woods or in a park or a field or our yard, and look and smell and listen to the greater world around me, troubles melt away. I can feel calm and wellbeing seeping through me from the first step on a leaf covered path. Out in the wildflower meadow, it is very difficult to hold onto those scary thoughts that want to take over my brain. The sadness, anger, frustration or fight or flight response are replaced with awe and appreciation and wonder. The endorphins course through me when I see a butterfly or salamander or rare flower or magnificent forest and I can feel the optimism and happiness push their way to the front of my brain. I start planning my next hike or trip or photo safari and feel motivated to immerse myself in the things that I love and find are most important, rather than letting those more distant and abstract worries drain me.

An American Snout butterfly that I found feeding in my front yard. I never knew they were so stunning, and strange. They camouflage by hanging upside down in trees. With closed wings, they look like leaves. The snout resembles the stem or petiole of a leaf.

A giant Black and Yellow Orbweaver spider and her egg sac at the nature center. The sack was hanging 15-20 feet away, so the size comparison is not accurate. But that was some spider, and some egg sac.

Beautiful blue fungus. I learned from a friend that it is called "Terana caerula (often referred to as Pulcherricium caeruleum)- commonly referred to as 'cobalt crust' or 'velvet blue spread.' In 2009, the German Mycological Society named this species 'Fungus of the Year'" Who knew there was such a thing as fungus of the year?

There are few plant activities as fun as popping the seeds of Jewelweed (Impatiens capensis). They are trigger activated and when you touch a ripe pod, the seeds shoot out. It is very surprising. And fun! Seen with friends in NC.

Part of a healthy lifestyle is to be active and reduce the stress in your life. Nature walks cover both of these. Of course, most of my walking on the trail is pretty leisurely and needs to be supplemented with harder exercise from time to time. But getting out and moving, even slowly, is so much better for you than sitting at the computer or on the couch. It is good for you physically and just makes you feel alive. So I have been trying to take advantage of every opportunity for family camping trips, bird walks, wildflower field trips, rambles, nature lectures, school trail guiding and hikes with friends that I can fit in.

Kidneyleaf Grass of Parnassus (Parnassia asarifolia), one of the spectacular flowers we got to see on the wildflower field trip to NC.

A tiny salamander, about 3/4 inch long form head to tip of tail. I thought it was a little worm in the wet dirt.

An Orbweaver spider gathering up the silk from the web she had stretched out this morning. She will digest the silk and start a new web tonight. You can see her spinnerets on her abdomen.

Big Praying Mantis seen on a Nature Ramble. I think her abdomen is full of eggs.

I often prefer to walk and explore on my own, but these days I have felt a strong desire to surround myself with friends. It's nice to have people to talk to and share with. And it is especially nice to walk up to the trail and be greeted by a friendly face (or 20!). Being with other people helps remind me that there are many others who care about the same things that I do. Sometimes when we set off on our hikes, we commiserate for a moment about the latest bad news, but then we quickly move on to the purpose of the day, whether that be wildflowers, birds, insects or just exploring the trails at a new location. It feels healthy and good to be connecting, sharing, moving, and appreciating together.

Sleepy Orange Butterfly Chrysalis seen on a Nature Ramble at the Botanical Gardens

The rich blues of Downy Lobelia (Lobelia puberuba) 

Because, in reality, we never know how much time any of us have to appreciate the beauty of this wonderful world. Tragedy strikes when we least expect it. So spend your time appreciating what really matters--family, friends, and this amazing world we live in.

The vibrancy of this gruesome but beautiful scene almost took my breath away. Purple, yellow, green.
A lucky Yellow Crab Spider has caught an unlucky Bee Fly.